About Me

I guess I should explain exactly how I ended up losing weight and finding my wings. This story is on my Facebook page, but I decided to add it to my blog too. Pretty sweet, right? Without further ado...

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I spent my formative years in a fairly stable environment. My family spent a lot of time hiking, riding bikes, and doing a lot of active things. My mom cooked a lot of fun and interesting foods (including Indian food and shark! They were both delicious.), and my dad was happily working for different companies. We were uprooted fairly frequently, and I moved to four different houses my first six years of life.

I was bullied a lot, not because I was overweight, but because I had a mild version of Asperger's syndrome. I was just an odd kid, and it made me a moving target. I was bullied pretty much from kindergarten until 12th grade. When I was 9 and 10, I was molested by two different guys, two different locations, no knowledge of the other ones. Thankfully, not conforming to societal norms or easily intimidated, I told my parents right away. Unfortunately, not much was done about it, it was mostly swept under the rug as far as I know. I never thought about it again until I was 19, or particularly thought there was anything wrong with it. But I'll get to that in a minute.

I was mostly resilient and didn't have severe reactions to being molested. I developed PTSD later in life, but it had nothing to do with that particular incident.

I started having issues with fixation at 13 and 14. My parents freaked out and took me to half a dozen doctors, and one of them decided to treat me with antipsychotic medication, even though I had no issues with psychosis. I ended up gaining a ton of weight, and I was shuffled from a ton of different medications, including stimulant medications. I have severe reactions to ADD medication, since I do not have ADD. It makes me completely amped up and crazy. I was on Adderall for 7 years before I decided to get off of it myself. Of course, my issues completely went away after that.

College was hard for me. It was such an adjustment, and I found myself constantly sick from all the stress. I decided to take some Dramamine, and it slowly became an addiction. I was taking sometimes a package of 8 within a day, because it made me feel relaxed. I remember staying up all night one night after taking a ton of them, and getting mind-numbingly ill the next day. I decided then I needed to quit doing them. It took me six months to get to that point, and it took me six months to get off them. It was a year wasted. I think it was a reaction to finding out that what happened to me at 9 and 10 was sexual abuse. That was hard for me to handle, I think, and I reacted very badly to it.

I was in and out of college for several years, having inconsistent grades, but managed to graduate college with a degree in English. I had to withdraw from school several times, and it took me 6 years to complete college. At that time I was involved with someone, and we became engaged. Unfortunately, both of us had a lot of problems and it only lasted a few months. My parents packed up and moved, and I decided to move up to St Louis with them.

I couldn't get my shit together until I was 22, and discovered Paxil. My doctor put me on that, and it significantly reduced my Asperger's symptoms. But it was too little too late. I still drifted in and out of college, not sticking around for very long. By the time I turned 28, I met another doctor who decided to put me BACK on ADD medication. He had no knowledge of my Asperger's, and of course, it caused a lot of issues. I ended up going through a bad job where they never paid me on a huge paycheck, and I ended up losing my money and my apartment. Thank goodness my parents were semi-understanding, otherwise I would have been screwed.

I ended up in another dead-end job that I hated. It often made me exhausted and I was insulted and demeaned every day. I had a day off from my job, and by that time I started taking weight loss supplements. I loved the way they made me feel, a controlled energy and just relaxed. My bummed out mood didn't disappear, though. I went to the library on my day off, and I was coming home. I realized I didn't take one of my supplements and I reached across the car to grab them. I noticed something printed on the side of the supplement, "Never Settle." It didn't register at first, and I decided to drive a little further. My route took me by my gym, and I got an urge to go. I fought it hard at first, and then I thought randomly, "But what about Never Settle?" I decided enough was enough, and pulled into my gym that day.

I came to realize I had been settling too much in my life, for having a life that was sub-par, and doing what I didn't love. I decided the gym was a good start. I pounded out a 15-minute walk. I was exhausted afterward, but it felt good. The next day, I went back. Then I went back again. This continued. One Sunday I woke up and decided I was going to quit my job and go to college. I quit that day, and never looked back.

I decided to start running a few days after my friend started doing C25k. My previous attempts to run had not been good, and I had exhausted myself very quickly. But I started off easy, on the treadmill. Then I decided I wanted to run outside. I had never run outside, and especially not in my neighborhood. But I started off in my neighborhood, and did about a half a mile. I decided to begin running at a park where the track was more level and it was absolutely beautiful. I have been running there ever since, with a few trips to other parks as well.

So far, I have lost 30 lbs. I decided to major in the sciences, after a great teacher suggested it to me, and in a few months I will train to get my personal trainer certificate. I have a lot of things I want to try, including riding a zipline, kayaking, and training for a 10k and a half marathon in the next two years. So don't count me out yet, I've only just begun!