Day 42: Happy Happy Birthday

Happy birthday to me.

I celebrated my 29th birthday with not a lot of pomp and circumstance. My fiancé and I went running this morning, clocking 1.6 miles. Bryan is a super fast runner and I was impressed. He ran the first leg of C25K and didn't even break a sweat. We went to the mall, where he got my gift: pearl earrings with a small diamond that he got from the same place we got my engagement ring. We ate at Charley's subs, where we got some small subs and happily noshed away. :-)

A snack at the mall.

 

We then went mini-golfing at Swing Around Fun Town, the St Charles location, where we got a nice 18 holes in, barely beating the rain as we got into the car. It was a lot of fun and it became quite obvious that I hadn't played in awhile. We ended up hitting the ball too hard and too soft and got our butts handed to us by the kids in front of us. Still, we had fun and plan on doing it again sometime soon. :-)

 

I strike the golf ball sort of in the right direction.

My gorgeous fiancé poses in front of a waterfall.



I don't look half bad myself.

 

 

We then went bowling as our last stop. It was actually quite amusing because we were next to seven kids about 9 or 10 years old, all boys, and two grown-ups. They were hurling the balls across the lane and they were coming down with a resounding CRASH each time. One kid got the idea and threw the ball so hard it went over the bumpers and got stuck in the gutter. I have never laughed so hard in my life, and Bryan was having a hard time keeping a straight face as well. Eventually a well-meaning employee suggested he use a 7-lb bowling ball if he was going to chuck it across the line, and so they made a beeline for the pink bowling ball I was using. I didn't know whether to snatch it back or just laugh that 7 boys were using a pink ball that belonged to a girl. :-D I decided it would be less drama just to laugh it off, and then the dad (or the chaperone) returned with a second pink ball.

 

The pink ball in question.

Photobombed! Bryan takes it in stride.

 



I had a fun birthday but I am definitely glad we are only having a few celebrations. I believe last year we went out at least 6 times and by the end of it we were all feeling kind of bloated and gross, lol. :-) Next Saturday I am going out with my future mom-in-law and on Sunday Bryan and I are running the 5k. :-)

 

I hope everyone has a fantastic day. Me, I'm going back to chemistry land and enjoying the view. Be blessed all!

Day 40: Woohoo, Forty Days! :)

It's been 40 days since I started this journey (well, give-or-take, since the beginning of the blog is very infrequent posting). And it's been life-changing. I hit 207.8 yet again after catching a little flack from the scale in the past few weeks. I'm kind of weird like that, I go up and down, have huge weight losses then go up and down and finally back down again to another huge loss. Right now I'm kind of in the huge losses department and continually losing, maybe about a pound a day or so.

Today was a mild cheat day in that I actually ate out today. I had half a sandwich and some clam chowder in a fun-sized bowl, it was actually pretty good though I was disappointed they didn't have the tomato basil soup. That one is my absolute favorite. Anyhoo, I rarely eat out or really have much money to spend, and 99 percent of the time I don't need it.

My best friend bought me some soap and a cute little caddy to put it in, which honestly looks better than the blatantly obvious soap on the bathroom counter. :-D In fact, I have been at my parents' house so infrequently that that soap has lasted me over 2 years! I would have kept it even longer except that my parents thought it was empty when they came down and ransacked the downstairs. (Don't ask, you'll save yourself a lot of hassle.) It's the same brand of soap but a different "flavor."

Fall soapy goodness.

 

 

I also went to Loft and tried on some jeans. I tried on a size 14 and they were ridiculously close to fitting but they didn't want to zip up when I put them on. I figure if I can lose another few pounds then they will fit. I've fit into Old Navy's size 14 pants in the past so I may be able to go down a size. But Old Navy's stuff is ridiculously vanity-sized. They cut the pants bigger and put a smaller size on it so people will come back. I never entirely got that, and it struck me as being not too terribly honest. Imagine your disappointment when you go to another shop and the same size is airtight on you! lol

My size 16 skinny jeans. :-)

This weekend I am hanging out with my fiancé and we are celebrating the Friday the 13th (special fun anniversary for us because we met on Friday, May 13, 2011. And because we're weird that way we often celebrate Friday the 13th by going out to do something fun.) and my birthday. :-) It feels so weird to be kissing cousins with being 30 years old. I always thought I would have been more successful at this point in my life, but I dunno. I have a weird life that I won't get into extensively, for more information refer to the previous posts on the blog. Either way, I'm getting my life back on track. Hopefully there will be no more sabotaging from certain members of my family.

Well, I'm about to wrap it up. Going to eat dinner, do chem homework, and work out some, not necessarily in that order. :-) Hope everyone has a good day and I will be back later tonight, hopefully.

Day 38: Running On Fumes

Well, not really, I just thought it was funny. :-)

After going to put gas in the car, I went outside to run. I normally don't go outside to run when it's hot out but it was probably 77-78 degrees and I thought I could swing that. I did C25K W3D2, which is composed of a 90 sec run-90 sec walk, 3 min run-3 min walk; repeated twice. It was sort of easy on the treadmill, but it was definitely harder on the pavement.

I ran very slowly. I was worried about running too hard at the beginning and then petering out right before I stopped running. And trust me, it got tough. I was running at a 22 minute pace, breathing hard and about to stop in the middle of it. But I decided to keep on going, cause I was like, I've only got 2 minutes left, 1 minute left, and so on and so forth. I have to admit that I'm guilty of looking at the clock, especially when I have no pockets to put my phone in. Plus, if I have no guidance for how much time I have left it is much easier to give up! But still, I put in around 1.32 miles, which isn't bad at all. :-) I have done 26/50 of the 50 day challenge and am over halfway through the Lazy Girl Marathon at 14 miles ran this month! :-)

After pounding the pavement in City Hall Park.

 

 



Me and Frodo's butt. He decided he was going to get in the fun too!

My 5K is in 11 days! I am not super nervous, but I know I will not be running the whole time. If I'm lucky I will get to week 6 or 7 (I run each segment of C25K for three days in a row, then amp up the intensity. It's pretty tough, but I make it.) of C25K and at least get a fairly major part of the 5K where I actually run! I'm trying to beat my last time of 58:23 (but I was walking it, so that's not bad!) so hopefully I will be able to do that. My fiancé will be running with me so that will be good at least. He definitely encourages me when it gets hard. :-)

Well, I gotta go study for my Chem exam, but I will definitely check in this evening. I will be biking 9.11 miles in honor of 9/11 victims tonight, so hopefully it will let me record it without there being a glare on the screen. :-) We'll see, my dad's bike isn't very photogenic when it comes to recording times, lol. :-) I hope everyone has a fantastic day and is blessed! :-)

Day 36.5: I Suck At Cheating

Well, folks, guess I've converted to the light side. :-) I lost my good VeganDHA blend today, which will cost a small fortune to replace if I get that same brand. Fortunately, I have a number of things that can fill the void, since I've been actively supplementing since 2008, but still, it's annoying when you can't find your stuff. :-D

I sat through the review session before Wednesday's exam, getting vaguely annoyed with the fact that people kept on asking if something was going to be on the exam or not, like percentages of naturally-occurring isotopes and their specific atomic weights. If you were to memorize all those percentages for the 60-70 elements we have to learn for the test in an Introductory Chem class, please, teach me all your mad memorization skills, lol. :-D Anyhoo, I left feeling somewhat stressed out even though my questions were answered quite thoroughly.

It's easy when you're in the vicinity of half a dozen or so unhealthy restaurants, to want to partake. I mean, there are two within less than a mile of the college. But, for some reason the urge to partake just wasn't that overpowering. Sure, I was a bit peckish especially after my professor started using food in the chemical equations (those are actually fun problems but they make you hungry!), and a little stressed from all the business from earlier in the day, but honestly I didn't really want it that badly and went home to chill with some water and a few toasted almonds.

I have been corrupted. :-D

Normally, with unlimited funds and lack of willpower, I would have gotten the biggest thing of chicken nuggets on the menu at Chik-Fil-A and chowed down like there was no tomorrow. I would have not felt any buyer's remorse or anything, I would have been happy for the time being. I used to eat two meals a day from McD's at my heavier size (if you could call it a meal) and think nothing of it. Now, it just feels completely weird to me to even consider fast food or any food out in general. Even on my birthday Bryan and I will probably use the fundages Mom and Dad are giving us to eat out and go bowling instead or mini-golfing or something like that. :-) The weather is supposed to be nice so we may make some light dishes and go out to Castlewood for a picnic. Either way, my mom and dad's way of celebrating and our way is like night and day.

But, even though I suck at cheating, I like the person I am. I don't feel gross and crawl around the house all day, living from meal to meal. I don't get upset about not having money as much because it isn't really a huge necessity. You have no idea how bad your eating habits have gotten until you see your monthly bank statement and it's almost 100 percent restaurants! It has freed up a significant chunk of change. So has quitting soda, I paid $14 for my Tervis cup and I've been using it for a month just filling up wherever I needed to get water. :-) I found a soul jumbled up there in all those malfunctioning organs and fat folds, and I kinda like her. :-D

Anyhoo, I gotta get back to studying and doing some arm and ab/squat workouts! I hope everyone has a fantastic day and stays cool, cause it's a hot one. Be blessed!

Day 35: I Learned About Never Settling

No weird dreams after movie night. I'd say this is a pretty good thing. Next up for Bryan and I is introducing the loveliness that is the Star Wars trilogy. :-)

I have learned some interesting things about what constitutes settling to some folks. For some, it's simply that I'm not settling because I don't work at <insert previous job here>. I am settling because I didn't work to my full potential. As I see it, there's a lot of misperception about what this phrase means, and what it means to me.

Settling, as it stands, is directly seeing your goals and the potential to do great things, but consciously turning away and getting on with your bad decisions. Everything that comes up that is a game-changer is combated with excuses, self-doubt, and self-sabotage.

I have a person in my face-to-face life who is like this. This person has something good happen to them and immediately tries to downplay it or find some way to guarantee it won't work. They have been stuck in the same rut for a loooong time and don't really want to do anything about it. They have simply acknowledged that the suck in their life is the suck in their life and they have made their bed with the suck, never acknowledging that they have the power to change it.

That, my friends, is settling.

I have had this same problem in my own life in the past. I had some really good things going for me, and I would always break down and self-sabotage my efforts, simply because I was scared of being successful. Not because of deep-set issues (though anyone who has read this blog for more than one entry can tell you I have a few of those! ;-) ) but simply because it was the unknown and I knew I would have to work hard to get it.

I changed my life because it had just gotten to the point where I either had to change or end up another suicide statistic, because it was really that bad. God has a way of lifting you up when you get to such a desolate point in your life that you acknowledge that you can't do anything without him. He allows you the potential to do great things, until you realize that it was there all along for the taking. :-)

Deep musings this morning, eh? This has been on my mind for some time. I am taking a rest day today for the first time in 23 days and I don't consider this settling at all. I consider it honoring my body. I have been an off- and on-again Buddhist (and Christian, I tend to radiate infrequently between the two) for many years and that is a very important part of Buddhist philosophy, practicing compassion for yourself and others. So if I sound philosophical with Buddhist tendencies, there's a reason for that! :-)

Anyhoo, I will probably go out and dither for a bit, I'm meeting my best friend for lunch and mall-hopping today. There's a soup place in the mall that I want to try, so hopefully I will be able to try it out. I hope everyone has a fantastic day! :-)

Day 33: New Scales and Old Demons

It's been an interesting, up-and-down day. I won't get into all the particulars, but let's just say it's been interesting and leave it at that. All kinds of things went wrong and all kinds of things went right.

Anyhoo, I went running for day 22/50 over at the gym. I will probably be running in the gym for the next few days just because it is supposed to be ridiculously hot and I don't really want to miss my run but don't want to die doing it either. :-) I ran about a mile and a half on the treadmill, which is not bad considering I've only run about 1.46 miles while out on the track including both the warm-up and cool down. I did more like 1.51 today on the treadmill and had a top speed of 4.1 mph. I think it's safe to say I no longer walk and run at the same speed. Cause honestly, I have to slow the treadmill down when I get close to ending my interval because the thing's going so fast that if I try to walk on it, it'll take me out with the garbage, lol! :-D So that's a major accomplishment right there.

Speaking of major accomplishments, I went out to Wal-Mart today and bought a scale. It's not a fancy scale, but it at least reads better than my mom's evil thing that'll give you a 5-7 lb deviation depending on where you stand on it. I tried my new scale out and then went back for a second weigh-in, and it gave me the same measure: 212.2. I guess that's not bad considering it's a new scale, but I would have liked to see a lower weight. Ah well, that is the whole reason why I don't use the scale to begin with. I start obsessing over the weight and wondering why it keeps staying higher than I like, without realizing I've put on about 3 lbs of muscle just by running every day. It sucks! So I have the scale but I'm not touching it for another few days. Next Wednesday I'll be able to see a bit of differential and see if I need to make adjustments in my schedule or add some different types of workouts in. :-)

My awesome scale. I wish this was my weight on the side! :-)

 

I seem to be getting better at balancing the schoolwork/real life/exercise aspects of things much better. I always tended to lean towards one thing or another, no real balancing act involved. But if I have learned anything on my journey to weight loss it's leading a more balanced lifestyle. My diet was definitely the first part of that, because I eat a balanced diet. A lot of protein, decent amount of carbs, and lots of fruits of and veggies. The way I sometimes talk about my diet, a lot of folks assume it's a low-carb, low-fat diet. And to a certain degree that is definitely true. But the important thing is finding balance. I've also (mostly) stopped the five-hour studying binges. I know it sounds weird to call studying a binge but I have seriously spent all day studying for a class when there isn't even an exam coming up! Now, I try to study when I get some time to do so and yes, I still type notes from the book. :-D

 

The exercise balance... well, I'm learning. The interval training has been my best friend because my natural inclination is to run/bike and keep adding time until I get so exhausted I just quit doing it altogether. I was actually very close to quitting training until I discovered C25K and interval training on the bike. So I am definitely not leaving the gym crying anymore because I can't seem to maintain a 22-minute running time seven days into the process! I run/walk for 30-35 minutes and that seems to work for me a lot better. I have been trying to pace myself on the bike after a rather lengthy and heated discussion with my better (much better) half about why I knew what I was doing and didn't need his advice. And what do I do? I listen to him and pace myself and everything's fine again.

 

Real life balance is always a challenge for me because let's face it, I had a lot of imbalance most of my life. I have been fighting the residual demons of PTSD and childhood sexual abuse for a lot of my life, and trying to reestablish my equilibrium even to this point has taken me almost 20 years! That's why there is a great pleasure for me in treating my body well and making sure that I give it some TLC as well. Most of my life I have been punishing myself I guess, for ending up in the situations I did and in a way saddling a lot of the blame that I really didn't need to. It isn't so much about learning to love myself in a balanced way as it is to love myself at all. But I am getting there, slowly but surely. :-)

 

Wow, deep stuff today, lol! :-) I hope everyone was able to wade through that emotional baggage. I will be back later on in the day, I suppose, hopefully with a little less seriousness. Have a great day all!



Day 31: Former Fattie???

I went for an interview at Lululemon today. I have to admit I was very, very nervous. As in, can barely concentrate on my classes or anything else because I'm so nervous. I have been on dozens of interviews dozens of times, so something like this shouldn't phase me by now. But I have to admit it was ridiculously out of my comfort zone. I've got at least 50-60 pounds on everyone there, but I persevered through.

We did a lot of working out, myself included. I added the bits from my arm workout in, expecting I'd be the only one who did a fitness routine. Turns out, I was one of four. The other folks did harder routines and I found myself doing my first spider pushup. It was super hard at first cause I wasn't exactly sure how to do it, but then I was like, on the floor, hardcore spider pushups where two weeks ago I wasn't even able to plank because it hurt my knees so bad. I told my "Never Settle" story and I got a few wows and you're an inspiration to mes, which was super cool. Even the interviewers didn't seem to expect it from me.

That's what gets me there.

I realize at this point I have lost 25 lbs, I can do spider push-ups at ~206 lbs, I should be proud of myself. But I have to admit, running with the big dogs kind of freaks me out a little bit.

I realized today that none of my clothes fit anymore. Like, literally none. Two pairs of jeans and several medium and large t-shirts and maybe one or two bras. I have to borrow clothes from the closet that I don't think have seen the light of day since 2003, when I was at about the same weight. I have running shorts I bought two weeks ago that are now super loose on me. I will have to get a new pair soon cause I don't think anyone really wants to see me run around City Hall Park with my shorts around my ankles (though I have to admit, seeing their reactions would be funny as hell). And today, I finally went to INTERVIEW AT a store I wouldn't even think of going into 30 lbs heavier because I thought everyone would laugh at me and wonder what I was doing there.

I, ladies and gents, am now a former fattie.

Don't freak out, folks. I just realized today that I am losing weight and not acting the part. I am way underdressed, first of all. I looked in the mirror today and for the life of me could not figure out why I looked so dumpy and huge. When I went to change for my interview, I realized the shirt I had worn out shopping today was a 1XL and my pants were a 24, and my bra was a band size too big. It was another one of those "Never Settle" type of moments where I'm like, whaaaaaa? I went out in a 24??? That's 4 sizes too big for me, first of all. Not to mention I thought I looked kind of okay in it. :-P I'm amazed that I let it get this bad for so long and even more so, that I kept wearing these clothes even after they didn't fit!

I keep getting new revelations about how far I had let myself go in the past, and today was one of those days. I just couldn't believe it, and what I had been doing to myself. I am worth so much more than to dress myself in clothes that are 4 sizes too big. I should be owning my body and dressing it in a way that looks good. But it's just so hard to see the person in the mirror being the same chick I feel like inside. But I know that I can keep owning this title and doing better things. It's just wow, it hit me hard.

Anyhoo, I have more to say, but I seem to be lacking a bit of eloquence tonight so I'll deal with it the only way I know how: to get into beastmode. :-) Be blessed all and have a great day.

Day 26.2: And On The Nineteenth Day, She Rested

I'm feeling a bit better thanks to getting some chemistry homework out of the way and it just being quiet around the house for a change. I'm enjoying sitting around reading everyone's blogs and leaving comments, and just doing things that don't hurt. After a huge welt on my... back end... from the 47 minutes of biking last night, and sore knees from running 15 days in a row, it feels good to take a rest day. And surprisingly, as I rest my weight goes down instead of up! I was expecting the weight to come creeping back on if I didn't exercise. But I guess that's more of a long term thing, which is good.

I have gotten back on my antidepressant, which I'm not sure if it is making me feel better or worse. I have not been on it for two weeks now, and the scrip just came back up for refill (I lost almost a full bottle in Illinois somewhere while I was at my best friend's party. I tried to refill it and received a snarky message that my insurance carrier was not going to pay out for a lost bottle and they would not refill it for another 14 days. No bueno.) Either way, we will see if they turn me into a blabbering emotional wreck^200 again. This particular antidepressant has not caused any problems with my weight loss, in fact it makes my weight drop off twice as fast when I'm exercising regularly. Go figure. :-P

Tomorrow my fiancé is coming over, yay! We will watch a movie from home on Saturday and do our annual apple picking outing on Sunday after church. Either way, it will be very HOT. The Honeycrisps came out earlier because of the unseasonably mild weather for most of the winter, and so we are picking them in very early September instead of late September. We will also go back for the pumpkin picking in October, which is another of our traditions. I don't think we have ever eaten much of our fruit bounty except while we're out there picking. (Though I've never eaten a pumpkin whilst picking another pumpkin. That just sounds hard to do. And messy! :-D)

My birthday is in 16 days. I will be turning 29, one year away from the big 3-0. That kind of frightens me a little, and a little sad that I've wasted my twenties just sitting around being depressed and stuffing my face. That's no fun at all! Hopefully my 30s will treat me a little better. :-)

Well, I am going to work on some more chem homework and shower, but not while doing the chemistry homework, lol. Be blessed all and have a great labor day weekend! :)

Day 22: Broke a Plateau and Made It Cry

I finally got past this horrible weight gain I have had since getting off antidepressants. It went up all the way to 219.6 yesterday and I was really discouraged. I have been drinking tons of water (wouldn't drink anything else!) and it has been getting rid of some of the water weight. Well, today I weighed myself and it was down to 215.4! I was so excited because I've been getting stuck between 217-219 for a long time now and I finally got what they call a 'whoosh'. I literally dropped 4 pounds in one day. :-) So, I'm excited about the weight loss.

Guess whose birthday is in less than 3 weeks? Yup, it will be my birthday on the 15th of September. I will be turning 29! It's crazy cause I remember how excited I was about graduating high school what seems like a minute ago and coming up soon is my 10-year reunion. I'm hoping I will get to go and see some of my old high school buddies. I'm a totally different person than I was in high school, I've suddenly become outgoing and energetic and I'm sure half my class will be wondering if I've gone nuts or something, lol!

Also, the fiancé and I are going for our annual tradition of apple picking at Eckert's. It's so funny because we started doing that 2 years ago as well as going for the pumpkin picking in October, and its great to see the dramatic changes that have happened in both our lives. My fiancé has lost 30 pounds and kept it off for 2 years. He's about to graduate and he may have a job in the works. I won't reiterate all the changes I've been through but man, what a difference 2 years makes. And who knows what a difference 2 more years (actually, a year and 9 months til we get married) will make. :-)

I guess this will be a short entry, but you better bet I will be back after strength training (it's arms, shoulders, and abs day! Next one will be butt, chest, and legs day, which is always super hard after a long run.) and my evening bike ride to let you know how I did. I hope all of you have an awesome day!

P.S. I ran 22 minutes and 1.20 miles today! 22 on 22!

Day 19: Ch-ch-changes

First of all, love that song! :-)

I have been noticing some changes. Today I ran 15 consecutive minutes and was actually running longer than anyone else in the gym! They were doing running/walking intervals and I was powering away on that run like a total beast. That felt so awesome. I used to be the chica not even going above 3.0 on the treadmill. I watched everyone else run and I wanted to do it so bad. Now, I'm slower than them but leaving them in the dust as far as time.

I have been opening my mind to religion as well. I have not had good experiences with churches because I am SO different than most of the people there, I am very matter-of-fact and I ask a lot of questions which sometimes gets on people's nerves. Besides, I have struggled with a number of sins in the past that are too personal to share and I was always embarrassed to come to church because I was afraid someone would find out and be judgmental towards me. Because of that, I built up walls and pushed people away in church so they wouldn't see my sins. Silly logic, I know, but when you're scared you do some dumb stuff.

I have a Joyce Meyer obsession. I have mentioned it in previous entries and it still holds true. I'm not like hanging out in Fenton trying to find her or anything, but I do watch her show every morning and read some of her books. There is this series she has done that literally took 3 times before I could watch it all the way through because it was so hard to wrap my head around. It was about deception and compromise, a very meaty sermon indeed. That wasn't really the part that got me. She says towards the end of the first part of the sermon, "Listen, God can give you a better life than the one you're living now." It's ironic, because right now I think I have a great life and an awesome thing going for me. I thought, "I could have an even better life WITH God? I have a great life now, and that must mean with God it will be even more awesome!" Naivety, yes, but get over it. We all have our catalysts.

So, with that in mind I am putting a different bend on this website. Since Vegan365 is going the way of the dodo bird (sorry, all of you that are fans, it is going down later this afternoon), I am changing the name of the site. It will be called: Girl on Fire: From Underdog to Beastmode. I'm so excited about the name change and the lifestyle change and I'm excited to share it with you!

I hope all of you have a blessed day and enjoy life!

Day 18.5: Finding New Confidence

It's amazing how you find yourself when you lose weight.

I have found by losing weight I have suddenly felt like I should not ever, EVER settle and I have been telling people I know that, probably to the point of annoyance at times. :-D But there is a story behind my obsessive use of the phrase "Never settle," and I feel like I have reached a point in my life where I feel comfortable sharing a little bit more of myself.

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My weight has only been an issue for me since I was 14. Before that, I was as active as could be. I was a moderately accomplished gymnast and tried to be a cheerleader until a self-confidence and knee blowout ended that venture. :-) I also ice skated and played soccer, basketball, and softball. I was never good, but I loved it.

I don't want to get into the particulars of my childhood, but there were some issues that caused me to gain weight. I ended up putting on over 100 lbs in a short amount of time.

I finally got to the breaking point the first time when I hit 240. At 5'3" (fun sized!) that was a hard pill to swallow and my body was showing the effects. I lost 51 lbs, getting down to 189, but I gained it all back after ending an abusive relationship with an ex-boyfriend. It was very hard for me, as was the death of my maternal grandma, and I'm just now emptying the last piece of that emotional baggage.

I went to see a psychiatrist for occasional depression and panic attacks, and found out I had residual post-traumatic stress disorder from that relationship. He seemed to think I had daddy issues (I do, my dad is way too awesome! It's killing me! :-D) and tried to get me out of my parents' house. I moved way too fast, found a job where I got scammed and lost over $2000, and it pretty much imploded. I'm still unpacking those bags.

So, all that culminated into a very frustrating time of it. I became moderately depressed, and one day I went to the library hoping to find the latest book to change my life (aren't we all guilty of this from time to time, lol?) and found out that the answer was in my lap. I had my BMR Bliss meds and needed to take them for the day. I had reached into the passenger seat to grab the bottle and it said in pretty font, "Never Settle."

Suddenly, I realized that was what I had been doing my whole life. I had been settling into everyone's mold of me, I let everyone push me around, I didn't take care of myself, and I had just been settling. Now was the time to change. I pulled into the gym on the way home and the rest is history. :-)

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I hope that gives you a better understanding of what I've been through. I really hope that I can encourage you to do the same. Well, maybe not with the roller coaster of emotions it took me to get there, but I want to encourage you to never settle for less than what you're worth. Don't let anyone tell you negative things about you. You were put on this Earth for a reason, and that was not to give up! :-)

I hope this has encouraged you tonight. I hope you have a great evening.

Day 18: Kickin Butt And Taking Names

Day Five of the running streak! I have gone 10-10, 3, 6, 10, and today I ran for 12 minutes. It's not exactly doubling my time but I reckon that as I clock more and more minutes I will have to add a few minutes at a time. I am still trying to hit that elusive goal of 20 minutes of running and trying to add more time every day.

I also gave up caffeine, entirely by accident. :-) I have been drinking flavored water for about 2 or 3 weeks, and I realized yesterday that I had drank no soda at all, just drank water and was fine with it. So I thought, what the hey, I'll just stop drinking soda. So I have and have my cup with a V on it (it originally stood for Vegan to promote my blog, but since I am no longer updating the blog I just carry it around for fun) filled with lots of water. It's a 24 oz Tervis water bottle and I am totally geeked out about it.

I made this really great little fruit salad today. My mom was serving eggs with way too much fat added to it in the form of sausage and LOTS of cheese (yuck), and I wasn't really interested in that after a 12-minute run. So I threw together a can of mandarin oranges, a handful of blueberries and slivered almonds, and some Greek yogurt. It was delicious and more nutritious than my mom's eggs and sausage. :-D I will post a picture of it the next time I make it and give a more detailed recipe.

Well, this is a short entry since I have class in a few minutes. Have a great day all and I'll catch you later today. :-)

Day 10: I did it!

Today has been a good day. I stepped on the scale this morning and was happy to see I was at exactly 216, which is 15 lbs gone FINALLY. I have been hovering around 217-219 for awhile and now I'm so excited to finally see 216. I have not been 216 since living at my fiancé's house over a year ago.

I have also started running at the gym. I have joked in the past that you could get me to run by stealing my box of donuts and driving off with it, and I would run after you trying to get them back, but I am no longer ravenous for chocolate donuts or anything like that. In fact, I went to Steak and Shake with my best friend and literally could not finish a $3 meal. WTF? When I went to Steak and Shake before, I would eat the entire meal AND get ice cream afterwards AND possibly a bag of candy later. I just can't imagine doing that these days. I would feel completely gross. :-P

Ever since I changed my lifestyle, my world has totally changed. It's like I can't imagine doing the things I used to do, at least not favorably. Clothes are starting to fit in sizes I haven't worn before. I actually am taking an interest in clothes and other things. I even put on some makeup, which is something I don't normally do. :-) My whole life has changed for the better, and it just keeps getting better.

My fiancé finished his last quarter of culinary school today! He is going on to an externship at a really fancy restaurant, and I am one proud fiancée. He still loves his job after being there at least three months (he was shadowing there and now he is an extern) and is learning the menu quite well. I will be doing my first practicum in veterinary technology next semester, and I couldn't be more excited. I loved working as a groomer, and I assume this will be similar. :-)

I hope everyone has a great day!

Day Nine: Actual Next Day!! Mind is BLOWN.

Hi everyone, 11 page views today? Man you are all amazing. :-)

I finally got on after one day, so technically this is day nine!
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I went to yoga class this morning, reluctantly. I have not been to an exercise class in ages, and generally speaking I don't like them. I'm always the token fat chick in the class; sweating, not in proper workout clothes, and just somewhat of a spectacle to myself and others. So, needless to say, I generally avoid them like the plague. But today, I decided to be different. I got in, and true to form I was the sweaty fat chick (but there was an old guy in my class who was borderline flashing his backside on the bending moves, so I felt better, lol) but I felt different this time.

Sure, I was screaming inside my head, things I prefer not to repeat, but I feel like I made the right decision trying to take care of my body. Ever since I took some serious steps towards reevaluating my life, I'm starting to realize that without exception that everyone starts out that way. They might not be as heavy as I was and am, but they feel out of place, like the token something-or-another. They feel like everyone is staring at them and judging them when in reality everyone feels the same way about the way they look and could care less what you look like. In fact, I saw someone more overweight than me totally killing it on the elliptical and my immediate thought was, "Get it girl!" I was so psyched to see her kicking ass like that. :-)

I found something kind of cool today when I was taking my supplements this morning. I noticed on the bottom of the 1st Phorm container that holds the Thyro-Drive I take every morning there is printed in script, "Never Settle." I had never noticed it before and thought it was super cool. As I fought my usual inertia, I kept repeating these words to myself, "Never settle." And I think that after some evaluation of my own life there is some truth and motivation in that phrase.

I have settled my whole life. For crappy jobs, abusive family members and boyfriends, for programs in school I didn't enjoy in the slightest, for being unkempt and overweight my whole life. I was always saying "Yes," to someone or something without considering my own opinion. I just continually let myself go without considering that I could take my life in another direction. Maybe today I can decide for once not to settle and to say "Yes," to myself.

Didn't think you would get poetic turn of phrase, didya? Well luckily, today you did. I hope you all have a great day and remember not to settle!

Week One, Day 1: The Beginning

This is my before pic, week one. 5'3", 218 pounds, and way too overweight for my liking. I have been using some amazing supplements called the BMR Bliss Go Pack, as well as keeping to the diet plan they gave me and working out on the treadmill. I have lost 5 lbs, going from 223 to 218 in a few days, but the journey is only just beginning.

I abused my body for way too many years. I had a few traumatic events in my life but I don't think it was the cause of my weight issues. A lot of people who have similar events have residual issues dealing with them, but fortunately that was never the case with me. I definitely had self-esteem issues, but I think it was just because I underwent dramatic changes, going from very skinny to very overweight in a short amount of time. I try not to hold too many things against too many people. They are human and have their own issues as well.

Anyway, after burning way too many bridges in my life, I am trying to make right some of the things that have gone wrong in my life. I am treating my body with respect and dignity, and I'm treating my family and friends with the same respect and dignity.

This will not be a whiny blog. I am not the type who wants to lament about how no one was good to me and my dad never hugged me and whatnot. I have some great people in my life and I hug my dad regularly.

Here's what I will do though: I want to be able to empower others to make the same good choices in their lives. I will be open and honest, but respectful. I will not be too flowery or new-agey (I apologize for my departure in this post) but will still be encouraging. I hope you will comment on my blog and share your own stories because I love making friends.

So, let's kick some butt and take names, shall we?