I went for an interview at Lululemon today. I have to admit I was very, very nervous. As in, can barely concentrate on my classes or anything else because I'm so nervous. I have been on dozens of interviews dozens of times, so something like this shouldn't phase me by now. But I have to admit it was ridiculously out of my comfort zone. I've got at least 50-60 pounds on everyone there, but I persevered through.
We did a lot of working out, myself included. I added the bits from my arm workout in, expecting I'd be the only one who did a fitness routine. Turns out, I was one of four. The other folks did harder routines and I found myself doing my first spider pushup. It was super hard at first cause I wasn't exactly sure how to do it, but then I was like, on the floor, hardcore spider pushups where two weeks ago I wasn't even able to plank because it hurt my knees so bad. I told my "Never Settle" story and I got a few wows and you're an inspiration to mes, which was super cool. Even the interviewers didn't seem to expect it from me.
That's what gets me there.
I realize at this point I have lost 25 lbs, I can do spider push-ups at ~206 lbs, I should be proud of myself. But I have to admit, running with the big dogs kind of freaks me out a little bit.
I realized today that none of my clothes fit anymore. Like, literally none. Two pairs of jeans and several medium and large t-shirts and maybe one or two bras. I have to borrow clothes from the closet that I don't think have seen the light of day since 2003, when I was at about the same weight. I have running shorts I bought two weeks ago that are now super loose on me. I will have to get a new pair soon cause I don't think anyone really wants to see me run around City Hall Park with my shorts around my ankles (though I have to admit, seeing their reactions would be funny as hell). And today, I finally went to INTERVIEW AT a store I wouldn't even think of going into 30 lbs heavier because I thought everyone would laugh at me and wonder what I was doing there.
I, ladies and gents, am now a former fattie.
Don't freak out, folks. I just realized today that I am losing weight and not acting the part. I am way underdressed, first of all. I looked in the mirror today and for the life of me could not figure out why I looked so dumpy and huge. When I went to change for my interview, I realized the shirt I had worn out shopping today was a 1XL and my pants were a 24, and my bra was a band size too big. It was another one of those "Never Settle" type of moments where I'm like, whaaaaaa? I went out in a 24??? That's 4 sizes too big for me, first of all. Not to mention I thought I looked kind of okay in it. :-P I'm amazed that I let it get this bad for so long and even more so, that I kept wearing these clothes even after they didn't fit!
I keep getting new revelations about how far I had let myself go in the past, and today was one of those days. I just couldn't believe it, and what I had been doing to myself. I am worth so much more than to dress myself in clothes that are 4 sizes too big. I should be owning my body and dressing it in a way that looks good. But it's just so hard to see the person in the mirror being the same chick I feel like inside. But I know that I can keep owning this title and doing better things. It's just wow, it hit me hard.
Anyhoo, I have more to say, but I seem to be lacking a bit of eloquence tonight so I'll deal with it the only way I know how: to get into beastmode. :-) Be blessed all and have a great day.
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